For some reason Memorial Day this year, more so than others, finds me reflecting on the people that I love that I have lost in my life. I've been thinking specifically lately about memories made, lessons learned, and opportunities missed.
I have lost way too many dear people in my life than seems fair, but I have lately been thinking of three specific losses that have really touched me and changed my life in different ways.
My Grandma passed away several years ago. I miss her so much! She is one of the number one joyful memories that I have of my childhood. Because we lived next to them, she is a part of most of the memories that I have growing up. I spent day after day with her, listening to her, playing with her, creating with her, singing with her. I even ate bread and milk with her. It was the most horrible tasting stuff ever, but I wanted to be like her! She was always smiling, always glad to see us, always looking for opportunities to teach us. We played with her cats, ran and played in their irrigation water, climbed her weeping willow trees, smelled and picked her lilacs, put on puppet shows, and played house with her dishes made from jar lids and medicine cups. My favorite thing to do was to sleep over at her house. On those special occasions, we played games, wrote and illustrated stories, made paper dolls, ate popcorn and played dress-ups. She never seemed to be too busy for us. When Our Princess was born, she sent me a letter filled with the songs that she used to sing to us when we were small. When My Angel was born, she sent me another letter that was filled with her favorite inspiring hymns to give me strength in hard times. These letters are still some of my most cherished possessions. I think about her so much more than I would have even thought, and often feel like she is close, giving me strength and pushing me through when I need it. She'll be one of the first people I hope to see on the other side.
Around the same time that my grandma died, we lost a very close friend to pancreatic cancer. He and Count Studley had been best friends growing up and he married one of my best friends in the whole world. The boys proposed to my friend and I at the same time. (in different places!) We had the most out-of-control dreams and aspirations of where our lives were going to end up. We beat them by a month in marriage and in first-born. We got girls, they got boys. We laughed and teased and spent all of our spare time together, even when it was hard to fit in. Just as he finished PT school and he and his wife had two gorgeous small boys, he was diagnosed. He fought hard, it was an ugly and difficult battle, and yet through it all he stayed so strong. It didn't even seem right, yet through the whole battle, he and his little family were sharing strength with us and everyone else around. They were so close to God, and they helped us to feel that closeness as well. We wanted to be with them whenever we could, just to feel that strength. The meager help we tried to give was nothing compared to the lessons we were taught from experiencing what we did of that with them. He was an incredible man, and I've never doubted that he was needed to serve on the other side and that he has been doing amazing things there. But I can't help but feel sadness for the loss that his family and friends have suffered since his death. I still absolutely love and admire his great wife, my friend, who reminds me still to laugh and be crazy even when I don't feel like it. Our relationship with them has been one of the greatest life lessons that we have ever experienced and I will always be grateful for them.
Last year, I lost a friend very unexpectedly from an infection that went bad. I had known her for several years and had admired her since we'd first met. We had a lot in common and had several opportunities to work together in church responsibilities. She was creative and intelligent and fun to talk to and I thought all the time that I'd love to spend more time with her. We were even the same age! For some reason, she touched me. But life is crazy and I am the ultimate procrastinator. Not kidding, as I drove past her work every single day, I thought about her and made a mental note to stop in to see her, but I didn't often take the time. When I found out she was in the hospital, I rushed down to visit her, but she didn't even know I was there. Within two weeks she went from healthy to gone. I was devastated. Her funeral was beautiful, but broke my heart, because it came out that she had been so lonely and sad for a long time. She had never married, and had tried so hard to put everything she had into life, but it's challenging, and it's lonely, and good friends make all the difference. Count Studley couldn't figure out why I couldn't stop crying for weeks, but I knew that I had missed an opportunity that had been mine to touch her life and to let her touch mine in return.
IN GOD'S GARDEN
God looked around His garden
and found an empty place.
He then looked down upon the earth
and saw your tired face.
He put His arms around you
and lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful.
He only takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering.
He knew you were in pain.
He knew that you would never
get well on earth again.
He saw the road getting rough
and the hills were hard to climb.
So He closed your weary eyelids
and whispered, "Peace be thine".
It broke our hearts to lose you
but you did not go alone.
A part of us went with you
the day God took you home.
If tears could build a stairway
and heartaches make a lane,
we'd walk our way to heaven
and bring you back again.
In life we loved you dearly,
in death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place
that no one could ever fill.
-Author Unknown
Well that's a lot more reflective than I usually let myself get. But I will always be grateful for the memories that I have and lessons that I've learned from people that I love who are gone. Some of the lessons have been harder to learn than others, but they have definitely changed me and my perspective on this life that we're living. I'm grateful for the knowledge that I have that we will be able to be together with those we love for eternity after this life is through and to know that when someone I love is taken from this earth, they are in a beautiful place, with beautiful people, and that I'll be there with them someday, thanks to our Savior, Jesus Christ, who made it possible.
Keep Smiling!
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